capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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