currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
