I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
