I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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