Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
