Im at strip club and am horny
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mom said you looked used
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
