My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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