Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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