Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
