we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
