you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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