So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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