Ambien. No doubt about it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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