I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
