YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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