You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
