So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How does it feel to date your dad?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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