Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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