i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
