your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
