If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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