So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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