I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
