His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize