just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
sarcasm needs its own font
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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