After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
