I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have aggressive nipples.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
