I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
