i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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