is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
