just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
