Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
a search helicopter?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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