I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
