By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have fence marks all over my body
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
