I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
