Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
