Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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