were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
