he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
