I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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