Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
where am i from again
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
