My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
