I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
