God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
