he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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