I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Enjoy the penises
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
