Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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