why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
