dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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