there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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